


The Balance of Being Held

by Qpenguin98



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Comfort, Crying, Fluff, M/M, Massage, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Touch-Starved, Touching, as much as it looks like smut on the can there is none its all just non sexual, but in a good cathartic kind of way, i never write fluff and yet here we are, kind of, theres no real bad emotions here its all soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 00:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15522006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: Taako wouldn’t consider himself a touchy feely kind of elf. He’s much more of a “don’t fucking touch me” kind of person. It’s not even that he doesn’t like getting touched or casual skin to skin body contact, it’s that it’s been a hot second since it actually happened.





	The Balance of Being Held

Taako wouldn’t consider himself a touchy feely kind of elf. He’s much more of a “don’t fucking touch me” kind of person. It’s not even that he doesn’t like getting touched or casual skin to skin body contact, it’s that it’s been a hot second since it actually happened. Him and Lup used to cuddle all the time when they were kids, and he’s been up close and personal with everyone from the Starblaster crew, but then he lost a decade of his life in a weird haze of confusion and wariness, so it’s not really been on the forefront of his brain to satisfy whatever weird touch quota he’d racked up over the years.

He’s maybe a little bit touch starved, but fuck if he’s going to admit that to anyone, himself included.

He enjoys layers quite a bit now. They give him a good buffer from others, keeping out unnecessary and unwanted shoulder pats and arm slings and awkward hugs.

If he can plan for it, it’s fine. If he can plan for Magnus’s too tight bear hugs, he can enjoy them, but if they come out of nowhere it takes him a minute to process the feeling into something that’s not foreign and threatening and by then it’s usually over. This same thing carries over into intimate moments too. He plans for the fucking, he enjoys it in the moment, but post-sex cuddling and affection? Not a fan.

Dating Kravitz like this has been interesting to say the least. He’d caught on pretty early that Taako wasn’t up for much casual touching, romantic or otherwise. He’s never pushed, but Taako can tell he’s at least a little bit frustrated. Good. It gives them something to strive for, and Taako hates when things get stagnant and easy.

He hasn’t really dated anyone in a long time, nothing past flings in a good few decades. He was never one for long term partnerships, the emotional work is way too taxing for something he’s not sure is even going to work out. But ten years all alone with no one to rely on has maybe softened him to the idea of having someone there with him in more than just a family way. It also made him sure that he doesn’t ever need anyone to make sure he stays alive, but staying alive isn’t everything.

Kravitz tries out casual, not kissing and romance touches every now and again, but it never really works out. Taako shies away from it on instinct, the sensation feeling weird after years of not having it. He doesn’t even hate it, it just feels strange and unwanted.

He knows it stresses everyone out, and if he’s being honest with himself it stresses him out too. He’d like things to be at least some semblance of normal, like to be able to cuddle up next to his boyfriend on the couch easily without overthinking it for minutes before an after, lean on Lup in the kitchen like he used to for more than a two hundred years of his life, accept a hug from his magic boy like it’s actually nothing.

“Hey,” Kravitz says one night. “I want to try something tonight.”

“Oho?” Taako curls his lips up at the corners. “What kind of something?”

“Just… something. I want to test a theory.”

“Oh, science somethings. I never took you for the type, mister skeleton.” He leans in a little closer, lets the words purr out of his throat. Kravitz raises an eyebrow at this and smiles.

“Don’t get so eager, I’m not even sure how much you’ll like it yet.”

“Gods, way to turn me on to your weird sex ideas, bones. I’m so excited,” he deadpans. “Tell me what it is.”

“Just keep an open mind,” he says instead of telling him anything, and then he goes back to washing the dishes like he didn’t get Taako all intrigued.

“Alright,” he says when he’s had enough of waiting. They’d sat around for a while after the dishes were done, Kravitz reading and Taako going over some weird scholarship paperwork for the school. “You cannot keep me hanging on this anymore. Just _tell_ me.”

“How about let’s do?” Kravitz dogears his page and sets the book on the coffee table. “Again, keep an open mind for me. If it doesn’t work out I’ll stop, but I’m hoping it does.”

“Really buttering me up here,” he mutters as he follows Kravitz back into their bedroom. “I’m really feeling the appeal of whatever you’re trying to pitch to me.”

Kravitz rolls his eyes in a way that somehow looks patient and it ticks Taako off minutely. He’s clearly trying to move slowly with whatever he’s trying to do and at this point Taako just wants it to be done.

He holds his hands out and Taako braces himself a bit. Hands fit onto his hips and Kravitz presses a kiss to his lips. “Take your shirt off?”

“Gods, it took you long enough.” He shucks his shirt over his head and rests his hands on his hips. “Pants too?”

“Not yet,” Kravitz says quietly. “Just the shirt for now. Lay on the bed facedown?”

“Really shitty foreplay you’re doing here, Bones,” he says, but he does it. He’s getting a little antsy. Kravitz doesn’t seem to be in any kind of aroused mood, which stumps him. He wants to try something, wants Taako to keep an open mind, but won’t tell him what it is and doesn’t seem to be in the mood for what Taako thought was going on. He’s got no clue what to expect.

“Close your eyes,” comes softly from behind him, and he sighs harshly and does.

“You ever gonna tell me what the fuck is going on?”

Kravitz hums behind him and he feels the bed dip as he climbs on. It’s quiet for a few moments, just the sound of level breathing filling the space, and Taako’s ear twitches, unsure of the situation.

“Really, you either gotta tell me what’s happening or do something because this whole silence and eyes closed thing is not the thing for chaboy.”

There’s a hitch and then, “Sorry, just thinking over how to start this.”

“Start what?” He starts to ask as a warm hand rubs up the right side of his back. He bristles, muscles tensing up and eyes opening quickly.

Kravitz makes some weird trilling noise in the back of his throat that Taako’s literally never heard anyone do in his whole life, but it’s mildly relaxing. He wonders if it’s a plus from the Raven Queen, something he’d picked up from her after centuries of service.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Kravitz says, pressing a thumb down and swiping it over a tense spot on his back. “But keep your eyes closed for me if that’s okay.”

He closes his eyes but still feels on edge. “What is this, some weird touch session? Taako’s fucking great without that, thank you.”

“You say that, but I’m not sure it’s really true.” He lays his palms flat on the middle of his back and drags them up, warm hands gentle on his skin. A noise bubbles up in his throat and he bites it down, mortified. “I’ve talked to your sister about it and she says you didn’t used to hate getting touched nearly as much as you do now.”

“You talked to Lup?” He tries to sound as upset as he feels, but it’s a little difficult to focus on that with Kravitz’s hands roaming the expanse of his back, fingertips pressing down loosely. “Why… What does she have to do with our relationship.”

“I just wanted to know some history since you're so reluctant to give it up.”

“She wasn’t there for everything, you know,” he spits out, suddenly angry. Kravitz pauses, hands resting still at his waist and it’s almost distracting.

“I know. She knows that too. I’m just trying to make touching a little easier for you. I was serious about telling me to stop if you don’t want this. I will. We don’t even have to talk about it until you want to.”

He considers it. It’s a tempting offer, telling Kravitz to get of the bed and pulling his shirt back on and maybe an extra sweater just for good measure. But his fingers drag feather light up his spine again and he melts a little bit into the mattress, eyes fluttering under already shut eyelids. The touch doesn’t feel nearly as bad as it normally would right now. It almost feels good, resting on that precipice, and he shuts his mouth and swallows thickly.

“It’s fine I guess.” He can practically see the smile on Kravitz’s face as he digs his hands into his shoulders, drawing a shudder out of him.

“Good,” he says, and then he moves again, sitting on his legs, resting his weight on the backs of his thighs and running his hands down his arms and Taako can’t hold back the half broken sound that makes its way out of his mouth.

It shouldn’t feel as foreign as it does, but here he is, pressed into the mattress in the least sexy way imaginable, his boyfriend’s hands rubbing gentle circles in his skin with warm, warm hands. He digs into a knot in his shoulder, and then another, and another, until he’s relaxed and melted down to a loose limbed Taako, no control over his body whatsoever.

He continues to melt into the mattress, feeling his body drip down into the sheets as Kravitz keeps running his hands down his upper body. He pulls his hair back at one point, running his fingers over the back of his neck and into his hair and Taako buzzes halfway out of existence. He rubs at the base of his ears and his jaw and Taako goes completely boneless.

Kravitz makes that trilling noise again and when he thinks about it, which is a bit hard, it does sound like a bird. He scratches his nails through his hair and down his spine and Taako hums in approval.

He moves from working mostly on his back to his arms, wrapping his fingers around the limbs and just holding. The warmth seeps through his skin and he can feel it in his bones and this is definitely the most relaxed he’s felt in a long, long time. He presses into the skin of his biceps, rubs down at his forearms, and its all slow paced and soft. He feels like molasses.

Legs swing back over and the warmth on his thighs goes away and he makes a noise of protest, even with hands pressed firmly into his shoulders.

“I’m going to flip you over. Is that okay?”

“Mhm,” he answers, not really capable of much more. Kravitz turns him over with gentle yet firm hands. Taako keep his eyes closed and the warmth of Kravitz’s body returns to the tops of his thighs.

The hands roam down his stomach and he giggles lightly at the feeling, a little bit ticklish. Kravitz pauses and Taako does _not_ whine at the loss.

“Ticklish, love?”

“Nah,” he says, “Just, uh, just not expecting it.”

“Of course,” comes the light reply. It sounds like it comes through a smile and Taako can feel a loose one forming on his own face.

The hands continue, on the other sides of his arms, squeezing at his hands for a minute until Taako squeezes back once he breaks through his haze of good. They rub up the sides of his ribs, holding him there, and Taako can feel the press of fingers to the skin of his ribcage when he inhales, not restricting so much as a gentle awareness.

Kravitz travels up his front, over his chest, warming the skin there for a while until he moves up to his neck. Taako goes a little more boneless when he cups his face, rubbing his thumbs into the divots where his ears start. The sensation is almost to much, but at the same time not enough, and Taako lets out a whine of frustration, the noise catching in is throat. Kravitz swipes his thumbs over his cheekbones, keeping a firm and steady hold on his face.

“Taako?”

“I,” he starts, and then he halts, shifting upwards. He wants more but he’s not even sure how to get it. He whines again, frustration watering in his closed eyes. “I want _more_ but I—”

He cuts off with a frustrated groan and Kravitz goes back to rubbing at the base of his ears while he thinks.

“Let me,” he says and then pulls his hands away. Taako can’t possibly imagine how this is supposed to be better, but it’s not. The lack of contact is almost startling, and he can barely hear the sound of fabric rustling over the rush of vulnerability in his head. He’s too loose limbed, too out of control, and his eyes are still closed. Can he even open them? He almost doesn’t want to try. An empty feeling that feels too familiar starts crawling in the pit of his stomach. Taako tenses up, trying to pull himself back to some semblance of together, when Kravitz lifts him bodily upwards.

He loses his sense of direction for a second before warm, bare arms wrap around him and he’s pulled into a tight embrace against Kravitz’s chest.

There’s skin touching skin, and that thought is usually reserved for hot and steamy situations where he has full control over what’s happening with his body and who gets to touch what and when, but right now he has no control and the touch of skin against his is so overwhelmingly good that he loses himself.

He lets himself be held for the first time in a long time, pressing his face against Kravitz’s shoulders. A noise bubbles out of him but he can’t really feel it, soaking in the contact. His hands rub at the base of his head again, fingers sifting through hair.

“Taako?” It takes a second for him to process his own name, a little too far gone in the feeling of being held.

“Hmm?” He asks, hummed voiced cracking, and he absently think’s that that’s a little weird.

“Are you alright?”

“’m really good,” he says honestly. He feels really really good.

“You’re crying,” Kravitz says, and he sounds incredibly worried. “We can stop if—”

“ _Don’t_ ,” he says roughly. He can feel the wetness on his cheeks now that he’s thinking about it, hears the hitches in his breath, but it’s not bad. If anything it feels just as good as the arms wrapped around him. “Don’t fucking let me go.”

“Okay,” Kravitz says, and he sounds a bit unsure of himself, but his arms tighten around him and Taako feels himself let out this pathetic sounding whimper and rest more of his weight on him.

One hand runs through his hair and the other’s thumb rubs up and down in its small vicinity and Taako’s never felt this good in his life.

There’s something unreasonably intimate about this, Kravitz holding him close, both of them with only their shirts off, skin touching skin in the most comforting way he’s felt in a long, long time. The way Kravitz is still making that trilling noise quietly in the back of his throat, switching up the placement of his hands occasionally.

He stops crying, eventually. It wasn’t even a bad cry. It felt as cathartic as the rest of this, comforting in some odd way coupled in with the touching and the trilling and the gentle rub of fingers on his back.

Taako rests his head in the crook between Kravitz’s shoulder and neck, pressing his eyes to the skin, nose resting against his throat. He sighs, tired and content. Kravitz adjusts them so Taako’s body is facing the side and he’s a bit more cradled in his arms and against his chest than hugged. It feels just as good, warmth of hi skin searing into different places.

“Do you feel okay?” Kravitz strokes a hand down his side, light touches.

“Mhm,” Taako mumbles into his neck. “I feel, uh, I feel really, really good.”

“I’m glad. I was a little worried this would all go sideways and you’d hate me touching you even more.”

“I don’t hate you touching me,” he mutters. “I hate everyone touching me. But apparently not you right now. I dunno how you did that but good job you.”

“Honestly I don’t think you hate being touched,” Kravitz says, and if Taako wasn’t so blissed out he’d contradict him. “You clearly like it, you’re just so unreasonably unused to it.”

“Don’t touch a lot of people on the run, homie,” he says softly. “Don’t touch a lot of people when you’re trying not to beef it either.”

“We’ll just have to do this more often, then.”

“Oh gods, can we? I never want you to fucking let me go ever again right now. I feel, like, _good_.”

“Yes we can do this more often. Of course we can do this more often. Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to do this, Taako? You shy away from every touch that isn’t remotely sexual or planned out. I just want you to be comfortable with me hugging you unprompted.”

“Shh,” he says, grabbing Kravitz’s arm that had gone loose and curling it back tighter. He obliges easily. “Lemme just enjoy this right now. We can talk about that later because I don’t think I’m there yet, but this is nice. This is really fucking good.”

“Alright,” Kravitz says, wrapping his arms around him so as much skin as possible is touching. Taako hums and goes loose limbed again, pressing all his weight into Kravitz. “I can wait to talk about that. Do you need me to do anything else? Want anything else?”

“Stay like this the rest of the night?” He requests in a small voice. “I don’t want you to let go.”

“Don’t worry,” Kravitz answers him, voice low and gentle. “I won’t let go. We can stay like this all night, if you want. We’ll just have to shift into laying down eventually.”

And they do, eventually, Taako’s back pressed as close as it can be to Kravitz’s chest. His arms wrap around him tightly, lips pressing a gentle kiss into his neck. Taako melts back into the sheets, blanket overtop of him. He’s surrounded in warmth and he’s never felt this relaxed. A hand brushes through his hair and he allows himself to drift off into a light, dreamless sleep. He can still feel the warmth pressed to his skin as he rests, satisfied in a way he didn’t even know he needed.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao howdy  
> heres a fluffy little oneshot, which is something i never do but branching out i guess  
> i got this idea in my head like a week ago and i finally wrote it out. im love gentle touching in fics and i also love weird relationships with touching in characters that dont really do it a lot, so here we are  
> i never really write just /it/ but i really do enjoy taakitz. love to write more it some day


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